Self-Worth—The Critical Key to All Real Learning,
Romantic Intimacy, Internal Fulfillment and Lasting Happiness

When we develop self-worth, we want to understand the mystery of being alive, other people, and Nature.  With a complete self-worth, we also whole-heartedly care-about our own lives, the life in other people, and all the life expressed everywhere in Nature.

In stark contrast, when our self-worth is incomplete, as it is with nearly everyone, then we care about how we feel and what we want, and we see little reward in understanding.  Instead, our minds focus on manipulating outcomes with specific rewards in mind—like getting approval, security, success and entertainment.  The value of these rewards is recognized by everyone, so we pursue them without question, hesitation, or thought.

One consequence of an incomplete self-worth is that we become terminally self-absorbed, but fail to develop self-awareness.  As a result of being self-absorbed, we fail to learn how to learn, and this in turn leads to being developmentally incapable of creating romantic intimacy with a mate, or internal fulfillment and lasting happiness for ourselves.

Perhaps surprisingly, a lack of self-worth is the bedrock source for everyone’s lifetime issues with romantic intimacy, competent parenting, clear thinking, whole-hearted caring, and mastering the ability to live, learn, and love for the innocent purpose of creating internal fulfillment and lasting happiness.

This last insight is astonishingly significant because it pinpoints the reason so many smart and well-intentioned people do their very best, and still fail, often for a lifetime, to create emotionally bonded romantic relationships and internally satisfying and genuinely meaningful personal lives.

Another common tragedy is that adults who have not completed their own self-worth are developmentally incapable of creating self-worth in their children.  Most parents do their best, but are pre-destined to pass on to their children their own lack of self-worth and failure to understand life, love, intimate relationships, and internal fulfillment.

All self-worth is built on becoming competent to feed needs and fulfill potentials.  For our value to be complete, we must master external and internal needs and potentials.

We normally recognize external needs—like the need for food, clothing, shelter, money and transportation.  We also understand external potentials for education, professional development, sports, hobbies and recreation.  In normal life, the only path to self-worth is to become competent to feed and fulfill our external needs and potentials.

This means few people ever learn to feed and fulfill their internal needs and potentials.  As a result, few people ever develop a complete self-worth.  Instead, we try to control our external needs and potentials, and remain forever clueless about all things internal.

Learning how to learn, understand, nurture, and love are internal activities, so if we fail to master our internal needs and potentials, then we will also be inadequate to fulfill our internal responsibilities as a person, parent, mate and friend.

If our self-worth becomes complete, we want to confront every inadequacy, and we want to master the necessary skills and awareness.  However, when our self-worth is incomplete, we fear our inadequacies and try to hide them, because any imperfection feels like proof we have no value, which most of us consider too painful to bear.

In relationships with a mate, parent, friend or child, our fear of inadequacy results in being defensive or argumentative, and generally refusing to understand any criticism. This hypersensitivity results in failing to learn about ourselves, life, and other people—in part, because we cannot acknowledge the critical information.

For instance, most males have zero awareness of internal needs, so when a woman wants a personal experience—like conversation, emotional warmth, genuine interest or a conscious touch, the male has no clue as to what she needs, but rather than admit his ignorance, ask questions and learn, he will respond with criticism, or by withdrawing.  When the circumstances are turned around—females are just as likely to be defensive.

The universal hypersensitivity to criticism, and the inability to learn is the primary reason most people never create long-term intimacy with another person, or internal fulfillment and lasting happiness for themselves.  This is the dark side of the American Dream—that is, the other side of being successful at getting every external thing we want—is the tragedy of missing every internal thing we need!

All too often, the American Dream turns into a Nightmare.  First, we fall in love, only to become disappointed and unhappy.  Then we produce children who grow up without self-worth, and developmentally incapable of emotional bonding.  Finally, we try again with someone else, and still, we never become internally fulfilled or truly happy.

Resolving the Nightmare side of the American Dream requires we develop self-worth, so we can first understand and then nurture ourselves, other people, and Nature.  When we commit to developing self-worth, in part, because we see for ourselves the inevitable internal rewards, then we want to make the effort necessary to learn, grow, and change.

This is a crucial first step, but on its own still leaves us ignorant and inadequate.  We must also acquire the information necessary to become self-aware and internally developed—competent to feed and fulfill all our external and internal needs and potentials.